The Heart!

The first time I realized I was running into a tunnel with only one end, I was too far into it.

One early morning, I found myself lying in bed wondering which part of me was actually worth living for. My heart, my mind or my soul. Now before you jump to conclusions, this is not a sob story. Yes it is a story of distress and trouble but it leads into a life of self actualisation.

I was in love yet again with another beautiful boy. He had been in my life for a while when he decided he'd had enough. My mind thought WTF man? It had decided that love was this knife that would only turn its hurtful side on you when it was reaching the bottom. It thought that life was better off without the feeling of rejection, that nothing, most certainly not love was worth living for unless it made you half as happy as you wanted to be.

I was in the middle of yet another bad phase in family life. Fights, arguments and constant yelling was the only thing you'd hear while crossing my house. My prayer for a peaceful family life, a prayer I had prayed a long time ago and continue to pray for was left unanswered. My soul, the one thing that belonged to God was coming to be more human and mortal than my very existence.

I was then back in the one place that found me peace. Church. Sunday morning and I was sitting and thinking to myself if all these were nothing but inconsequential happenings. Things that even if they did happen wouldn't really change my life.

My heart, a sound I hadn't heard in quite a while finally spoke to me and told me what she felt. Faith in the Lord does not come from understanding each decision He makes for you. It is however accepting these decisions as the best thing he could do for you. He after all does know best.

Why did I use the word self actualisation? Because that's when I realized that I'm not living for my soul, my soul lives because of me. And I'm not living for my mind, my mind lives within me. I am however living for my heart, for my heart is me.

The first time I thought I was running into a tunnel with only one end, I could see the light at the other side. No. The tunnel wasn't one with only one end, the doubts in my mind and soul just never let me see the beauty of the light my heart shone!